Creating a Bedtime Routine for Autistic Children

Creating a Bedtime Routine for Autistic Children

Routines are incredibly important for a lot of autistic kids. Transitions can be equally as important – and difficult – for a lot of kids. I know the transition into bedtime and working towards the end goal of going to sleep is something a lot of families struggle with. Ours included! My autistic three year old, E, has had a very specific bedtime routine for for nearly two years now – with a few tweaks here and there as he’s grown. Here are my tips for creating an effective and consistent bedtime routine for autistic children – as well as our family’s bedtime routine!

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I am not a medical professional. I am just a parent sharing their own experiences. If you have major concerns over your child and sleep, please speak with their own medical care team. For more information on sleep problems in autism, here is a great article from Spectrum News.

10 Steps to Creating a Bedtime Routine for Autistic Children

1. Consider Your Child's Needs

The very first thing to think about is “what does your child actually need from a bedtime routine?” Every child is different, and every neurodivergent child has very different needs. Does the child need a lot of wind down time? Do they need a lot of sensory input right before bed? What specifically does your child need before bed? For my son, he needs a lot of winddown time and a lot of sensory input before bed. So, our bedtime routine incorporates both of those things.

2. Consider Your Family's Needs

If you have other children in your family that you also have to put to bed, that can impact what you need in your autistic child’s bedtime routine. Do you have two adults who can focus on putting the kids to bed? Is there only one parent who has to handle all of it? Do your children share a bedroom? These are all things to consider. In our case, E is an only child and I am luckily able to focus completely on him at bedtime. But, we had to create a bedtime routine that could be done with or without my husband because of his ever-changing work schedule.

3. Consider the Timing of the Routine

Is there a specific time you need your child to be awake by? Is there a specific time of night that they find the easiest to fall asleep at? You want to make sure that you have enough time to complete your bedtime routine and still have your child fall asleep at a decent time. I know this is easier said than done – especially for a lot of autistic kids. But timing can be incredibly important in creating an effective bedtime routine.

4. Look at the Resources You Have Available

What sensory items do you have that can help? Does your child have an occupational therapist that can help you brainstorm ideas to meet their needs? Do you have the funds to potentially purchase items that may help? Look at what resources you have available to you and your family.

5. Map Out a Plan

When I first created my son’s bedtime routine, I actually wrote it out. I physically wrote out the ideas I had to help him wind down and go to bed. Start to map out what you think the ideal routine would look like. Write down any ideas you have and what kind of order you think they would work best in. I find that physically writing it out (or even just typing it in the notes app on your phone!) helps to flesh out the ideas and keep track of what works and what doesn’t.

6. Try the Routine

Once you’ve planned out the routine, it’s time to try it. Change can be a lot for autistic kids and it can take time to implement a new routine and it might be something you have to start in steps. It may be a lot of trial and error. It may not work well the first night. Or the second. But you have to try it to find out.

7. Make Adjustments

It’s important to realize that you have to make adjustments to the routine as you try it. If you notice that your child is a little too tired at your projected bedtime, try moving bedtime 15 minutes earlier. If you notice that a certain bedtime story helps them calm down more than another, try that particular story again or one similar to it. Make small adjustments to help nail down a consistent routine over time.

8. Give the Routine Time

It’s going to take time for the routine to become routine and actually be effective. I think how much time really depends on the family, the kid, and the specific routine. I think it took us about a month to really implement E’s bedtime routine initially and now any changes we make tend to take at least a week to settle. Some changes have taken longer. It’s hard to keep going when you’re unsure if a change is actually helping. But, the only way to know is to stay consistent and give the routine time.

9. Accept Your Feelings About the Bedtime Routine

Okay, I know this sounds ridiculous on a post about creating a bedtime routine for autistic children. You may be thinking “what kind of feelings am I supposed to have about a bedtime routine?” But, as special needs parents, we often have really strong feelings about the things we have to do that aren’t “typical” parenting decisions. I know that I do. I know that I would absolutely love to be able to just put my son in his bed and bedtime and have him fall asleep on his own. But that’s not the case for our family. E needs me to lay down with him every night until he falls asleep and sometimes, I feel like that makes me a bad mom.

Why would that make me feel like a bad mom? Well, you see and hear a lot of “sleep experts” and “parenting experts” talk about how important it is for kids to be able to put themselves to sleep. And it’s not that E can’t put himself to sleep, but he has a much easier time falling asleep if I’m there. So I lay down with him every night and while I’m generally confident in that decision, sometimes I have strong feelings about it. So take the time to accept your feelings about your child’s bedtime routine.

10. Make Adjustments as Needed

As I said before, we first planned and implemented E’s original bedtime routine about two years ago – before he was even diagnosed with autism. But we’ve had to make a number of changes over time and his routine now actually looks very different than it did when we first started. His sensory needs have changed. We moved (countries, actually). He now sleeps in a tent in his room rather than his bed. We’ve had to make adjustments over time – but the base of his routine is still the same. You may need to make adjustments over time depending on your child, how their needs change, and how your family’s needs change. If you have a new baby coming or you’re moving houses – your routine is bound to change. If your child starts craving different sensory inputs before bed, your routine is going to change. It’s okay to change it and make adjustments as needed.

E’s Bedtime Routine

I want to actually go ahead and share E’s current bedtime routine. Just to give you an idea of what it looks like! I did also make an Instagram reel about his bedtime routine that you can check out on @esautismjourney.

Wind Down – Watch Sensory Videos

We don’t have a specific set time we exactly start bedtime at. I mostly start it by watching E and seeing when he’s getting tired. But, generally, we start winding down shortly after 6 pm. This is usually when E is having tablet time and this is one of our hardest transitions of the day. So, to start, I play a couple of sensory videos for him on our living room TV. This helps to transition him from his tablet and start to wind down. The two videos we currently play for him are both from Hey Bear channels on Youtube. The first one is Fruit Salad Dance Party – Counting 1 to 10 from Hey Bear Sensory and the other is Under the Sea from Hey Bear Bedtime.

Bath

We don’t do a bath every night. But if it is a bath night, this is when E gets his bath. We can generally cut his wind down time a little bit on bath nights because the bath helps wind him down.

Brush Teeth

Every night we brush E’s teeth before bed. This is either after his sensory videos or after his bath. We just use a generic kid’s toothbrush and the Hello Natural Watermelon Fluoride Free toothpaste. E doesn’t understand that he isn’t supposed to swallow the toothpaste, so we stick to fluoride free.

Pull-Up & PJ’s

Next we finally move into E’s room where we put him in a nighttime pull-up and change him into cozy PJ’s.

Scalp Massage

This is a newer part of E’s bedtime routine. We’ve been struggling lately with him tolerating us touching his head. It was hard to wash his hair or brush it. He had to have an EKG at one point and that was a nightmare. Haircuts are impossible. This is one of those specific needs that you have to think about when creating a bedtime routine for autistic children. We needed to help E learn how to cope with his head being touched, so we started doing a scalp massage at bedtime. We use a little shampoo massager from Conair and a scalp and hair oil from Jozi Curls (it’s actually mine, but E likes the smell). I put a drop or two of oil on the brush and just lightly rub his head with it.

Brush Hair

E has a lot of hair and we absolutely have to brush it every night. At one point, because we were struggling so much with him tolerating his head being touched, we were only brushing his hair after baths. His hair tangles so easily and this was a disaster. So we make sure to brush his hair every night. On bath nights, we use the Fairy Tales Detangling Spray for Kids in his hair and it definitely helps!

I did research on what I thought would be the best hairbrush for him and found this specific brush from Wet Brush’s Go Green line. There are a couple of options but this is the one that we have. I had a really sensitive scalp as a kid and this kind of bristle was the only one I could use. So, when I saw this brush, I knew we had to try it for E. And it works! Most nights we have no issues brushing his hair.

Turn Off the Lights & Cuddle in the Tent

I mentioned earlier that E now sleeps in a tent in his room instead of his bed. His tent is his safe space and we have it full of his favorite pillows, blankets, and his stuffed dog from Build-a-Bear. The tent we have is this one from Pillowfort by Target and we love it. Bedtime Stories I have read E the same two bedtime stories for nearly two years now. I don’t even open the books anymore – I have them memorized and just recite them to him. He doesn’t even care that we don’t actually look at the books – he just wants me to recite them. The first book is Oh, the Places You’ll Go! by Dr. Seuss. The second book is I Love You Through and Through by Caroline Jayne Church.

White Noise Turns On

We use a Hatch Rest sound machine and have since E was a baby. If I could recommend a singular product to use when creating a new bedtime routine for autistic children, I would recommend the Hatch. It’s genuinely amazing because I can control it from my phone, it can be plugged-in or portable, and it has honestly lasted amazingly well. We’ve had the same Hatch for about 3 years now and it’s still going strong even with literal daily use. I actually set the timer every night so the white noise turns on almost exactly when I finish the bedtime stories.

Sing Songs & Cuddle

Sometimes E still needs more comfort. On those nights, I have five songs I will sing to him. They usually do the trick on helping him fall asleep. If he doesn’t need the songs, we just cuddle until he falls asleep. Once he’s asleep – I leave the room and that’s generally it for the night. We’re lucky that he sleeps through the night for the most part.

Now, I want to clarify that this was not a smooth easy process for us to get to this point. And we still have hard nights. We have a few nights a month where I’m in E’s room with him for hours helping him regulate and avoid a meltdown. There are nights he just can’t fall asleep or he just can’t stay asleep. But, compared to some of the issues we’ve had in the past with sleep – we’re in a much, much better place with E and sleep than we used to be. Those are my 10 steps to creating a bedtime routine for autistic children that fits their needs, your needs, and will hopefully be effective in getting them to sleep.

Do you have any tips or products you’d recommend to parents trying to help their autistic kids sleep? Let us know in the comments!

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